I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize