her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
