this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
