so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
