for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
