I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
