All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
