I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We don't watch enough power rangers
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
