Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
