she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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