I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
