The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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