Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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