What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
