4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
