Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
