Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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