Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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