I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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