Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
