so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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