I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
