people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
