I could have mohawked her pubes.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
organizing the empties. That sober.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
