you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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