How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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