Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
