Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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