I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
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The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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