I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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