do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
