I'm going to jail i love you
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
