I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
