Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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