I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
