The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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