we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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