I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my shit smells like andre
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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