I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
