so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
do nipples grow back?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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