Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
