He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
