When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
