I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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