why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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