Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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