break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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