Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
