I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
third nipple confirmed
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
