My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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