dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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