Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
