if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I love you.
Bad choice
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
