I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
