i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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