i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
