Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
