yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
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all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
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He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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