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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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