she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
