is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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