I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
A+ Viking dick
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
