dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
